"It’s like that for most men, most of the time. We’re starving, and all women are various types of food. Only instead of food, it’s sex. And we’re trying to conduct our everyday business around the fact that we’re trying to renew our driver’s license with a talking pair of boobs. So, from about age 13 on, around 90 percent of our energy and discipline is devoted to overcoming this, to behave like civilized human beings and not like stray dogs in a meat market. One where instead of eating the meat, they want to hump it." (Read more…)
Well… this is completely discouraging to the entire female race. I honestly only hope each man is given the gift of a daughter one day and snap out of it.
We’ve all got baggage from previous relationships that we pretty much have to sort through before we head into the next one. It can be pretty ugly with all the emotional distress and energy that has been invested into forcing the relationship to work a few more months/years than it should have. This is followed by the dreaded break up, where you may or may not have slammed your hand into the wall in frustration, thus causing you to ice it for a few hours as you contemplated about life, fake pregnancies, and/or plotting a way to drive them off a cliff. Thankfully, you’ve watched enough CSI to take a step back, breath, and and calm the f- down. (I hope!)
Regardless if you are the dumper or the dumpee, the chapter of your life that you shared with this person fully affects the remaining story of your life. It’s how you deal with the conclusion of your relationship to whether the following chapters, if not all, will play out in a postive or negative light.
I find that outlining the lesson of the relationship helps with the coping of loss. The truth is, most serious relationships are just really great friendships. When a couple decides they’re breaking up, they are essentially losing a friend and that’s emotionally draining, the act of saying goodbye to a fantasy world you may have created that helped you imagine them in your life forever and ever.
Before you jump into your next relationship - or even dare to go back to the one you just left, ask yourself: What did I learn about myself in the relationship? What’s are the positive elements that I gained? What do I not want in my next relationship?
Personally, the lessons I’ve learned from my past relationships is that, well, I know exactly what I don’t want from my next relationship. What I want is completely relative to the circumstance of my life (marriage, babies, etc.), but what I don’t want will remain static. Example: I don’t want to date someone who lacks ambition. I don’t want to date someone who isn’t nice to their mother. I don’t want to date someone who feels threatened by my type A personality.
Answering the above questions honestly will help you understand why your ex is an ex, and that overall, for the sake of your mental and physical health, they be kept as such. Sometimes we forget why we made them an ex, just until a week after we get back together and they do that thing that drove you up the wall that triggered the break up talk to begin with. You know exactly what I’m talking about because I can see you nodding. “How the hell did I get here?” you’ll ask yourself as they snore quietly next to you. You got there because you forgot to sort your shit out. That’s how. Plus, you’re probably still friends with them on Facebook and your ego got the best of you as they posted how wonderful their life is without you. Chances are, they were hoping you’d see. It’s all for show. No one is perfect. Everyone’s got stuff going on. While were at this juncture, why not go an delete/block your ex on Facebook now? Come on. Close the chapter. Remind yourself exactly why it closed. Remind yourself why it just didn’t work out. Remind yourself how unhappy you were. Lastly, remind yourself what you learned from the relationship. Take those lessons with you to the next dating endeavor.
The next person you date deserves the best version of you. You deserve a fair shot at a wonderful, healthy relationship and that’s only going to happen if you get it together and move forward. This is not going to happen over night. Take a few months. Throw away the jade. Get to your best version. Imagine that the next person you may find yourself on a fourth date with could very well be the future mother/father of your children. They deserve an awesome you.
My number one rule to my members who come for matchmaking is, “No Facebooking before a first date!” Someone you barely know does not need to know what you looked like 4 years ago, let alone what all of your interests are in regards to entertainment and hobbies – save that information for the first date! Plus, you’ve both probably still got photos of your ex you’ve forgotten to “untag” or delete. Why bother bringing in the drama of insecurity so soon into a relationship? In fact, if you do begin dating, don’t friend them. Ever. (Read more…)