Confessions Of A Matchmaker

As a matchmaker who’s also co-founded an online dating site, I admit it is quite fun having toes in both ponds.

On the one hand, you have the matchmaking world demonizing online dating to convince would-be digital daters to turn to the personal love hunters.

On the other hand (or toe? I did say I had toes in ponds…), you have online dating sites that could care less about the matchmaking world.

To read more, click here. 

Guess what, gentlemen?! You’re definitely buying flowers this Valentine’s, and you’re absolutely sending them to her office! 

Theoretically, Valentine’s Day is about proclaiming the love you have for the woman in your life. Theoretically. That’s it. Period. 

Realistically, it is really about women showing to the other women that they work with that they do not in fact go home to a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, but to either a Ben or Jerry (or Dimitri, George, Yianni, or Nick if you’re of the Greek sort.) 

If you really want to score points this Valentine’s, send her a bouquet to the office. If you want passive aggressive behavior from your woman, which will inaccurately color her as ungrateful, have flowers delivered to her home. Jerk.  

You see, in an ideal world, giving her flowers at home would be just fine. But in the real world – let’s face it — women are bitches. What’s the point of buying overpriced flowers if it won’t gather the attention of envious female co-workers? 

Having flowers delivered to the office screams, ”I am loved!! Look at me!” Other women will scoff at this, but secretly, they’re jealous that the flower delivery guy has yet to call their name. It’s like that Valentine’s Day episode in Season 2 of The Office. Even though the episode opens up with Pam confessing she didn’t want Roy “to go too big for Valentine’s, since [they] were saving up for the wedding,” as Phyllis is adorned to what can only be described as Cupid actually throwing up on her, Pam’s ego begins to drown in disappointment.

You are going to buy your woman flowers, and you are having them delivered to her office. End of story. 

…but Maria, my woman says she doesn’t like Valentine’s… Bullshit. 

…but Maria, my woman has already instructed me not to deliver flowers to the office because she says “it’s tacky”… Sorry to break it to you, but your woman probably has another man who’s probably sending her a bouquet, and she doesn’t want the office to know she has a side piece. 

…but Maria, I’ve only gone on less than three dates with her… If you want another date, you’re sending her flowers. 

…but Maria, my woman works from home… Okay. This is the only time that a bouquet is acceptable to be delivered at home. 

Maria Avgitidis is a matchmaker and dating coach at Agape Match, a matchmaking company that caters to New Yorkers and Greek singles, and CEO of AgapaMe.com, an online dating site for Greek singles.

We’ve all got baggage from previous relationships that we pretty much have to sort through before we head into the next one. It can be pretty ugly with all the emotional distress and energy that has been invested into forcing the relationship to work a few more months/years than it should have. This is followed by the dreaded break up, where you may or may not have slammed your hand into the wall in frustration, thus causing you to ice it for a few hours as you contemplated about life, fake pregnancies, and/or plotting a way to drive them off a cliff. Thankfully, you’ve watched enough CSI to take a step back, breath, and and calm the f- down. (I hope!)

Regardless if you are the dumper or the dumpee, the chapter of your life that you shared with this person fully affects the remaining story of your life. It’s how you deal with the conclusion of your relationship to whether the following chapters, if not all, will play out in a postive or negative light. 

I find that outlining the lesson of the relationship helps with the coping of loss. The truth is, most serious relationships are just really great friendships. When a couple decides they’re breaking up, they are essentially losing a friend and that’s emotionally draining, the act of saying goodbye to a fantasy world you may have created that helped you imagine them in your life forever and ever.

Before you jump into your next relationship - or even dare to go back to the one you just left, ask yourself: What did I learn about myself in the relationship? What’s are the positive elements that I gained? What do I not want in my next relationship? 

Personally, the lessons I’ve learned from my past relationships is that, well, I know exactly what I don’t want from my next relationship. What I want is completely relative to the circumstance of my life (marriage, babies, etc.), but what I don’t want will remain static. Example: I don’t want to date someone who lacks ambition. I don’t want to date someone who isn’t nice to their mother. I don’t want to date someone who feels threatened by my type A personality. 

Answering the above questions honestly will help you understand why your ex is an ex, and that overall, for the sake of your mental and physical health, they be kept as such. Sometimes we forget why we made them an ex, just until a week after we get back together and they do that thing that drove you up the wall that triggered the break up talk to begin with. You know exactly what I’m talking about because I can see you nodding. “How the hell did I get here?” you’ll ask yourself as they snore quietly next to you. You got there because you forgot to sort your shit out. That’s how. Plus, you’re probably still friends with them on Facebook and your ego got the best of you as they posted how wonderful their life is without you. Chances are, they were hoping you’d see. It’s all for show. No one is perfect. Everyone’s got stuff going on. While were at this juncture, why not go an delete/block your ex on Facebook now? Come on. Close the chapter. Remind yourself exactly why it closed. Remind yourself why it just didn’t work out. Remind yourself how unhappy you were. Lastly, remind yourself what you learned from the relationship. Take those lessons with you to the next dating endeavor. 

The next person you date deserves the best version of you. You deserve a fair shot at a wonderful, healthy relationship and that’s only going to happen if you get it together and move forward. This is not going to happen over night. Take a few months. Throw away the jade. Get to your best version. Imagine that the next person you may find yourself on a fourth date with could very well be the future mother/father of your children. They deserve an awesome you.