Guess what, gentlemen?! You’re definitely buying flowers this Valentine’s, and you’re absolutely sending them to her office!
Theoretically, Valentine’s Day is about proclaiming the love you have for the woman in your life. Theoretically. That’s it. Period.
Realistically, it is really about women showing to the other women that they work with that they do not in fact go home to a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, but to either a Ben or Jerry (or Dimitri, George, Yianni, or Nick if you’re of the Greek sort.)
If you really want to score points this Valentine’s, send her a bouquet to the office. If you want passive aggressive behavior from your woman, which will inaccurately color her as ungrateful, have flowers delivered to her home. Jerk.
You see, in an ideal world, giving her flowers at home would be just fine. But in the real world – let’s face it — women are bitches. What’s the point of buying overpriced flowers if it won’t gather the attention of envious female co-workers?
Having flowers delivered to the office screams, ”I am loved!! Look at me!” Other women will scoff at this, but secretly, they’re jealous that the flower delivery guy has yet to call their name. It’s like that Valentine’s Day episode in Season 2 of The Office. Even though the episode opens up with Pam confessing she didn’t want Roy “to go too big for Valentine’s, since [they] were saving up for the wedding,” as Phyllis is adorned to what can only be described as Cupid actually throwing up on her, Pam’s ego begins to drown in disappointment.
You are going to buy your woman flowers, and you are having them delivered to her office. End of story.
…but Maria, my woman says she doesn’t like Valentine’s… Bullshit.
…but Maria, my woman has already instructed me not to deliver flowers to the office because she says “it’s tacky”… Sorry to break it to you, but your woman probably has another man who’s probably sending her a bouquet, and she doesn’t want the office to know she has a side piece.
…but Maria, I’ve only gone on less than three dates with her… If you want another date, you’re sending her flowers.
…but Maria, my woman works from home… Okay. This is the only time that a bouquet is acceptable to be delivered at home.