Confessions Of A Matchmaker

Someone said to me the other day, “But this is me… They need to accept it.” 

No. No, they really don’t. If you have something so weird and horrendous about you, YOU need to change. Would you date you if given the opportunity? Probably not, if you’re prefacing your demeanor with “…this is me.”

Your “Me” kinda sucks. Your “Me” is probably why you’re still single. Actually, no. It’s exactly why you’re single. I’m not saying other people won’t date weird people, but when you know it’s weird, you need to cut it out.

How to do this?

First, reevaluate your standards. Someone “normal” is not going to put up with your “weirdness”. If you’re not willing to change, you’re just going to have to accept other “weirdos” who’ll bask in the glory that is you and weird. 

And I’m not saying change completely. You should, but it’s obvious weird can be quite hardwired into brains. That said, hide your weirdness. In fact, ask yourself several times of day if the way you’re thinking is weird. Seriously. Do it.

“Is what I’m doing weird?”

If it is, stop it. Stop being weird.

Secondly, be fair to yourself. You deserve love and the only one getting in the way of that is you. Holy snaps! Why would you do that to yourself? You probably have some amazing love to offer to someone else and you’re being so weird that you’re ACTUALLY setting yourself up for failure. You’re your worst enemy. That’s weird. 

If your weirdness is limiting yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually from meeting someone absolutely amazing, I cannot help you. You can only help you. Quit being weird and if you can’t, start dating weird. Enough.

As an entrepreneur, I welcome feedback and certainly appreciate it. But not all feedback is created equal, so if I’m not jumping up and down at your feedback, it’s not because I don’t care or have some personal vendetta against you. It’s probably because the “problem” you feel that you are experiencing isn’t really a problem or the solution you feel is necessary for this problem to be solved is not really solution. 

Someone called the office today, without addressing himself, to proclaim that “there is a problem” with my matchmaking forms. “Oh!”, I exclaimed. “What problem are you experiencing?” 

“Well, it won’t let me submit the form without a photo,” he explained. I explained to him that I only accept completed forms and completed is defined with a photo attached. “Why not attach a photo to your form?”, I suggested. 

“Well, I’m trying to fill out your form through my smart phone,” he informed me. Ah yes, mobile phones do not usually help with browsing for photos via the internet browser. I suggested that he access my website through his computer. 

“No. You should have your website smartphone compatible.” After a bit of back and forth, the gentleman was completely appalled that I wasn’t graciously thanking him for his feedback, even though I explained in great detail, after I suggested numerous times to access my website through an actual computer, why the cost benefit analysis of making my forms “smart phone compatible” was not positive. He was very terse and told me that my “customer service in regards to this phone call is extremely unhelpful and thus he cannot trust me to be his matchmaker.” I’m going to disagree, because I did give him a solution (go on an actual computer) and well, it’s okay if you don’t want me to be your matchmaker. You’re still single. 

I have access to my website’s analytics. Less than 3% of users access my website’s matchmaking forms through their smartphones. Of that 3%, only 1% actually attempt to fill out the form. So in one month, about 0-1 people attempt to flll out my form through their smartphone. I would assume that when they realize that they cannot attach a photo through their smartphone (because there is no browsing capability on smart phone browsers) they would transition to an actual computer and complete the form there if they’re really serious about matchmaking.

The gentleman kept insisting that I get rid of the photo requirement. Well, well, well… that’s a bit presumptuous, isn’t it, to question my judgement on my company’s form policy without knowing almost anything about the industry I work in? I insist on photos, like the majority of matchmakers, because I don’t have the time or the patience to haggle people I most probably don’t know (or don’t know if I can match just yet) for photos. Better that they give me a photo from the get go so we can get started. Yes, it’s necessary, and if you don’t like it, tough luck. I’m not some corporation that has to listen and adapt to your every whim, to keep my stockholders happy. I’m a boutique matchmaking firm. 

Lastly, I don’t think I want any of my members accessing my forms through their smartphones. It’s great if you access my website, my blog, my Facebook fanpage and my Twitter through your smartphone. Awesome! However, when you fill out a matchmaking form, it’s serious business. You’re taking charge, proactively, of your dating life. Just like you probably wouldn’t apply for a job through your phone, the same exact principle is used when you apply for matchmaking. I expect you to put thought into the questions that need to be answered, and like it or not, there is still something quite passe in doing this via a smartphone. Don’t believe me? Why then do we make sure to notify the recipients of our emails that we’re sending it through our smartphones? Probably as a defense mechanism if we sound hasty or riddled in typos. 

I’d like to end this post with a quote by this gentleman.

“It’s 2011. Get with the program.”

Indeed. 

It reads:

Muahh, I just can’t take off my eyes from your pics, you look stunning honey, absolutely gorgeous.. can’t I be with you for the entire time I have in this world to feel your warmth and presence, having a strong crush over you now, would you want to be in my arms honey too?? I’m serious babe. 

Ooomff…How will I ever resist. Luckily, new stalker lives in 3000 miles away. So.. yay.